We are Aliki and Xander the Couple of Secrets! We are a couple like many others: busy professionals, writers, parents and, above all, passionate lovers.
Since the beginning of our relationship -more years ago than we’d care to count- we set ourselves a goal. We wouldn’t let our awesome, explosive sex wither into non-existence. Simply refuse the premise that sex becomes boring and humdrum in a long-term relationship!
We decided to actively keep nurturing and expanding our sexual space, just like all other parts of our relationship.
Our blog, Couple of Secrets, is a window into this sexual space, an authentic account of what the life of a sex-positive couple looks like. The world seems to be missing authentic accounts of how a relationship doesn’t have to be either a pair of clandestine passionate lovers or two tired-out people sharing a mortgage and kids.
We don’t reveal the entirety of our common life to our readers and we are sure you understand why, given the intimate nature of our stories. There is, however, one promise we can give you: everything we put on Couple of Secrets is authentic, depicted as it happened in real life.
What motivated you to create Couple of Secrets? What is the story behind it?
Some years ago, we tentatively started recounting our stories of sexual experimentation when we realized that many friends were interested to hear about our sexual experiences. It was a pleasant surprise.
Soon it became clear that what we considered our own sexual eccentricity was in fact shared by many people around us. At the end of the day everybody loves sex, right? So why do we refrain from talking openly about such a vital aspect of human nature? In a world where sexual fulfillment is becoming a life goal, sexual exploration is getting more and more mainstream.
There is one main message that we want to pass on: the sexual life of a committed couple can be exciting, fulfilling and long-lasting.
If you have read this far, we suppose that you are interested in sexual exploration. And if you are interested in nurturing a healthy, sexual lifestyle with your partner then Couple of Secrets is meant just for you. Our message is clear: together with your partner you can develop a rich and fulfilling sexual space that evolves as you grow together!
So, how long have you been in the Lifestyle? Why did you start and how has it affected your relationship?
We have been open and honest with each other about our fantasies and needs from day one. Swinging is not the first or only sexual experience we have delved into. We are, to different degrees, into Tantra, BDSM, erotic photoshoots, and always like to chat about new experiences. Whether we realize them or not is almost secondary: what counts is that the sexual part of us, just all other aspects of our relationship, keeps evolving.
Entering the Lifestyle was a natural progression for us: from fantasizing about voyeurism to going to a Club to have sex in public and including other people in our interactions. You might be surprised to hear that we are not defining ourselves as full swingers. We don’t really do full swaps and what we take from our Lifestyle experiences is mostly the game between us.
Just to be clear, this doesn’t mean that we snob swinging! Swingers tend to be over-proportionally interesting, relaxed people; probably because they get enough sex! Joking aside, we’ve met some amazing couples through the Lifestyle. Apart from playing with them, we enjoy seeing them just socially and having honest, open discussions about sex!
As for the future: who knows where we’ll be in a couple of year’s time? Maybe we’ll be fully swinging, maybe we’ll have stopped altogether. The only certainty we have is that we will be fantasizing together, planning our next sexual adventure, whatever it may be!
If sexual exploration sounds tempting to you, do have a look at our blog, we have a whole section about it!
How does the current situation with Covid-19 affect your life and work?
Covid precautions meant that all swinger’s clubs closed their doors to protect their clientele. There’s simply no way you can combine social distancing with swinging!
Most of them remain closed up until today and as for the ones that are receiving patrons again. We are not sure how they guarantee their health and safety. It’s obviously tough for all the businesses doomed to inertia for months and months on a row. Avoiding Clubs is not the only aspect of our sex life that has been restrained because of Covid. Tantric massages and meeting up with Lifestyle couples have been out of the question as well.
On the plus side, we have devoted more time to sex between us: giving and receiving massages, organizing sexy photoshoots, and trying all the sex toys we’ve been meaning to review for ages! It’s been different, but amazing! The only thing we have really missed during confinement is the anticipation of preparing to go out to a sexy occasion together. Getting dressed up, putting on special makeup, wearing our sexiest underwear to take it off later.
Tips for couples during COVID
You probably don’t need us to tell you how to take care of yourself during today’s particular circumstances. Chances are you’ve read more than enough articles by armies of psychologists, sexologists, coaches, trainers, nutritionists etc.
We are going to say it again anyway: take good care of yourself! Take care of your nutrition, your sleep, your exercise, your social contacts and whatever else matters to your personal well-being. Be extra disciplined if you are still staying home and compassionate to yourself when you don’t manage to be disciplined. Your relationship depends on you being well!
As to your couple’s life, see COVID as an opportunity: spend some time together to do all the things you’ve been meaning to do for years but never managed to because of lack of time. Find a home-based hobby that speaks to you both. Xander and I have been meaning to paint some miniatures for ages and we only managed during confinement. It relaxes us and it also provides the context for some quiet, unforced conversation even about difficult subjects.
Don’t neglect sex with your partner either! Just because you are staying home or because bars and restaurants are not widely available doesn’t mean you cannot organize date night together. So, put away your work documents for an evening and put on your favorite music. Wear a nice outfit and the perfume your partner likes. Have a candlelight dinner. Take sexy pictures of each other. Seduce each other. Role-play if you dare. And, whatever you do, never stop touching each other.