I wasn’t given much of a sex talk growing up, and I went through the fear-based sex-ed many do growing up. But, I went on my own journey with my body and learned it’s mine to do with what I wish, how I wish. I think everyone deserves that freedom.
How We Started Polyamory
My husband and I got married pretty young. We enjoyed our time dating and being just us, but once we were in it for the long haul we discussed the experiences we might miss out on being a young married couple. I started looking for poly people online to talk to. Eventually (it took around 6 months of on and off discussion) we opened our relationship, which led to me meeting my second partner who is now just as important to me as my husband is.
Guidelines For A Polyamorous Relationship
Personally, I don’t believe in strict rules, because relationships should be organic and not driven by too specific of guidelines, but communication is very important. We talk about things we want to happen before they do, everyone has a say, and we do our best to express feelings in a healthy way as they come up.
Fairness For All Parties
Jealousy is something we’re taught to have. Other people aren’t meant to be possessions, or kept track of, or “claimed.” That being said, it’s a hard habit to break. When these feelings come up you have to decide if they are worth being talked about or if you need to work on it yourself, because insecurity is the root of jealousy. I ask myself why this is something REALLY bothering me and go from there. I expect the same courtesy from my partners.
Prevention For Complications?
No. They get that way. Sometimes you don’t notice until you try to explain it to someone else. But when things are good and you’re just going with it they don’t seem that way. It’s like having a family. It’s just different.
Do’s & Don’ts
Always always always talk about your feelings and needs. Have those adult conversations, discover the root of your problems, and use your relationships for growth and support. Never use people as band-aids or against each other. Learn to schedule time and be okay with that. Do your best to be fair, open, and honest. Talk about things you’re thinking about doing before you do them. If you’re feeling neglected, say so. If you need sex, say so!