The swinging lifestyle has caught up huge popularity among individuals. Every year, several couples venture into the swinging lifestyle. This lifestyle is specially meant for couples who wish to enter the environment that gives them the liberty to indulge in sexual activities with other couples after the mutual consent from their partners or spouses.
The lifestyle helps you in exploring different sexual avenues like soft and full swap, threesome, group sex, voyeurism, and exhibitionism. You can also indulge in bisexual acts with other swinger couples.
Most people don’t quite know exactly what swingers do or why they do it. I am hoping this interview will shed some light on this lifestyle.
My first question is, what is the difference between an open relation/ marriage and a swinger lifestyle?
Swinger Couple: My wife and I started our relationship as ‘open’, actually. ‘Open’ is a status where you and/or your partner can date or sleep with people outside of the relationship. As far as my wife and I are concerned, a relationship is open to feelings (like falling in love with someone outside of the established relationship) and there is a lot of overlap with polygamy. Swinging is more specifically about sleeping with people versus dating them. As far as swinging goes, for the most part, the limit of the relationship is friends with benefits.
How long have you and your wife been in the lifestyle? How did you start?
SC: Officially, we’ve identified ourselves as swingers, but, quite a bit longer if you count us sleeping with people outside of our relationship. Although, the latter were generally with people we were close. We are still ‘open’ as far as developing feeling for other people as well.
Do you think swinger marriages/ relationships last longer than monogamous marriages/ relationships because the two parties have less incentive to cheat on each other?
SC: While this argument makes sense logically, relationships hardly follow the logic. If a relationship is doomed, it’s going to end, if not from cheating, then probably from something else. However, I have seen good relationships end where I feel that they would have worked out fine if either party were more open to the idea of being ‘open’ or even swinging.
What made you decide to opt for a swinger lifestyle? Was it an easy decision? Or did you have to think about it?
SC: We have always been open to dating outside of our relationship from just about the very beginning. After dating a few women and a few friends with benefits experiences (and quite a few threesomes), I figured something out about my wife: she has a bit of a fetish. Every time she had seen me or heard about me sleeping with another woman, she would get very aroused and ask me about it and, to put it crudely, did not give me much of a choice in fucking her.
Fast forward some time and I heard about swinging, I think it was from that National Geographic show Taboo. We both talked it over and decided to give it a try. Had a not so great experience (bad party, not because of us being jealous or anything like that). Tried it again a few years later on a whim and it was awesome.
Did you have any ‘rules’ when you started?
SC: Our rules are very loose. If you ask if you can do something with my wife, my answer is “ask her”, same with her. The big rules, though, are:
• No family (I can’t invite her sister even if my wife were to sit out that night. Pretty reasonable but it came up during a drunken conversation once.
• No photos/ video (wife works somewhere with a morality clause and could lose a job and pension).
• Always use a condom unless we’ve known you for a long time and we can see recent STD test results.
• Some couples are weird about kissing. We are completely open to it.
• No pain or impact play.
• Don’t bring work home (No fucking co-workers. We have broken this rule once with good results, but it is a bad rule to break in general).
How has swinging affected your relationship/ marriage?
SC: As good as it was before, I would say it is a hundred times better. We are both uninhibited when it comes to flirting or seeing other people as attractive. I catch my wife staring at people from time to time and it is usually something like: “hey [wife], what are you looking at?, “Our waitress has a fat ass…” (My wife has a thing for asses and hips). Being attracted to someone is human nature, swinging lets you be less inhibited about it and therefore more human.
Do some swingers ever get jealous when they see their partner with another man/ woman?
SC: Sometimes. Usually, newbies who are not used to the idea or they have talked their partner into showing up at a party so they can get laid but the partner only gets to watch. You do occasionally see drama at parties and clubs related to this but the organizers are real quick to ‘86’ them. The most jealousy I have experienced is not being invited to join a session after flirting with one of the participants, it is almost never about my wife. I did get jealous at the beginning — more protective, really — but I have since gotten over it. She is a big girl, if she wants to suck that guy’s dick, I am okay with it. My wife also used to get jealous but it was more that she wanted to play with the lady I was playing with and that lady was not having any of it.
What are some of the positives, for you, of the swinger lifestyle?
SC: Well for one, we get laid a lot. The big positive, though, is how inviting and friendly most everybody is. If you show up and don’t want to play, swingers understand. They’ll still drink, dance, talk sports, etc. There are always exceptions in every group but for the most part, swingers have been the nicest, most inviting, understanding and non-judgmental people I have ever hung out with.
Also, so many threesomes and foursomes.
Do you have any advice to couples, wanting to get into the lifestyle?
SC: Lots and lots:
• If the thought of someone being sexual with your partner nauseates you, I would suggest not even looking into swinging unless it is something you could get over. I see posts on Reddit about one-half of a couple being interested in swinging and the other half is only looking into it because it came up in a conversation.
• Do not assume a particular mindset about people you met in this lifestyle. The stereotype I read when other people bring up alternative lifestyles is hippie/ liberal/ new-age/ politically correct/ left wing. People who actually swing are very much from all walks of life. Imagine a random sample of the over-21 people you would see at a Costco. There is a cute, nerdy couple that shows up regularly to one of the parties we go to (they both look super innocent but I once saw him go down on her immediately after chewing up a habanero pepper, don’t ask, but she enjoyed it, there is an older biker couple (he is totally the guy you would expect to take a tire iron to your face if you looked at him wrong, nicest guy in the world), a retired cop, a nurse, a salesman who sold products to my employer; there is a self-proclaimed redneck with the lifted bro-mobile (if you can talk sports, cars, or getting into trouble for doing stupid shit as a kid, he is great conversation), there is a couple in their 70’s with a walker, an aerospace engineer, there is a particularly religious couple with a Jesus sticker on their car, and a drugged out slut who will sleep with literally anyone (she actually is mostly sober, completely clean and most everything is an act, ‘the drugged out slut’ is just a side she lets out at parties). I don’t know any of their politics but there is guaranteed to be an argument if it is brought up. The demographic seems to match the general area where the party or club is located.
• Women are in control. If a woman is feeling uncomfortable, there are 30 other dudes at the party who would love to be a hero and save the day if a woman says ‘stop’ and someone keeps going.
First timer’s advice once you have taken the plunge and are at a party or club:
• If you have been chatting with someone and you seem to click well, a good pickup line actually is “hey, wanna fuck?”.
• If you are a single male, find an open-minded female friend to bring. A number of parties won’t let single men in except as a guest of a couple. Sorry to say, single guys get the short end of the stick and will have a very hard time in this scene. Most of the single men I run into are there because their wife/ girlfriend that they always bring is sick that night. One, though, was married and got divorced while in the scene, this dude is the most hilarious dude to hang out with and all of the women I know that know him say he is amazing in bed.
• Do not go with the expectation of having sex, go with the expectation of meeting cool people who are very open to the idea of having sex. You will still have to flirt and converse.
• Drink but don’t get drunk, smoke but don’t get stoned as fuck.
If people are thinking about trying out the swinger lifestyle, how do they get started and what things should they take into consideration?
SC: If they are going to be near Lancaster, California during the third Thursday of any given month, give them my Reddit name. They can also message me on SwingLifeStyle.com as ‘TotallyLegit’.
Otherwise, https://www.reddit.com/r/swingers (link is external) is a good starting point. Generally, you will need an account with one of the many sites listed on the sidebar. I use SwingLifeStyle.com (SLS) which lists events that free users can sign up for. Since there are good and bad parties and you probably want to see what kind of vibe a given party has, my suggestion is to look for an event that recently passed and message someone who went and ask for reviews.
I can’t speak for everywhere but if you are in southern California:
• Cougar’s Den in Lancaster is a fun, laid-back party, lots of regular guests so if you go each month you will meet the same awesome people with a few new faces each month.
• Club Pleasure Dome in Hesperia is the most ridiculous (in a good way) house I have ever seen. The best way to describe it is a series of connected concrete igloos. Their parties are similar to a dance club but with fucking.
• Club FA (and their associated resort) out in San Bernardino get a hell of a lot of good reviews but I have yet to go. I hear that the club is a fairly typical dance-club with on-premises play. The resort has cabins and a pool. The whole resort is clothing-optional.
• Fun and Sexy in Palmdale was a party in a hotel which was a lot of fun but I am not sure if it is a regularly recurring thing. The host runs all sorts of different types of events and has even helped get swinger cruises going.
• She Devil’s parties are usually pretty good. She’s more into the fetish/ kink thing so, while it is mostly swinging, there might be a few leashes and flogs around.
Also, all of the good parties cost money. They also charge a differing rate based on your gender. Cougar’s Den, for example, is $20 for a couple, single female free, single male (limited admittance) $40. Some parties require a separate club membership as well. They do this to eliminate some of the low-lives and creepers who find their way into the scene. Private clubs can exclude people for any reason at all but usually reserve that for people with a reputation for being creepy, stealing, starting drama, using hard drugs, or being shady in general.