How to have a Threesome

If your fantasy is to have a guy join you and your partner, this may be easier to achieve than finding a single female to join in the fun...

So you have decided to fulfill that fantasy and have your first threesome but where do you start? Well, finding a possible playmate to join you in the bedroom is the next step, but as a couple, you have to decide on the method that suits the both of you in order to achieve it. Whether you hire a professional like myself who specializes in couples, join an online adult site, attend a swingers event, or even a meet and greet; just keep in mind that some methods of meeting someone can be long and drawn out, therefore can be frustrating before you eventually cross a threesome off your list.

If your fantasy is to have a guy join you and your partner, this may be easier to achieve than finding a single female to join in the fun. Single females in the swinging scene are a commodity and the rarity of these women means they can be picky about who they spend their playtime with. In any case, if it’s a guy or a girl you want to invite into your bedroom, then it’s very important to find someone that you click with, who you can feel comfortable with, and also are sexually attracted to. Organizing a private playdate will be harder to arrange as you will need to meet lots of possible playfriends before you find the possible candidate. Attending a swingers club, depending on the day, would be the quickest way to have a threesome, but it also depends on whether you are comfortable in the exhibitionist & voyeur environment of the swinging scene. There could be many possible playmates in the one place and this could be a much simpler option, but most of the time you will probably not develop any friendships outside the evening and the lack of possible future play dates will mean you have to start at square one for your second experience.

  1. Discuss the expectations each of you has about the night. While I always suggest going in with no expectations and going with the flow, there is always at least one person who gets disappointed because things “didn’t turn out”, which suggests they had a way they expected or hoped for it to go and they obviously didn’t communicate them. Communication and understanding what each other wants for this experience will ensure everyone is happy at the end. So get all potential expectations and hopes out on the table before the big event so you know what you are both expecting from each other as well as the third person, that way you can both lead the night in the same direction.
  2. Decide how the third person fits in, also known as the play rules or boundaries. Is the third person purely for one of you or do you want their attention to be on both? And if you want it on both, is it ok for their attention to be on just one for a little while? As that sometimes happens. Also, are there any actions you aren’t comfortable with the third taking or being involved in? If it’s your first threesome experience, you might prefer it to play only and no actual sex, or perhaps it just for a bisexual exploration so the sex with the third is only with the same-sex partner. Once you work out how you want your third to participate, let them know your play rules or boundaries otherwise they will just go with the flow and may inadvertently try something one of you isn’t comfortable with.
  3. Have a safe word that everyone knows when you need a few moments or to discuss something before going further, you know, a “time out”. With it being your first threesome experience there is one thing you can’t really plan for and that’s how you will actually cope emotionally when it’s all happening. To create an extra sense of security (which is the best feeling to go into this with), agree to have this, so emotions don’t impact their enjoyment of the night.
  4. Decide how you are going to end the night. If you are at a club, well that’s easy. It simply ends when the event ends but for a private event that you may host at your place or hotel, you will need to decide how the event will wrap up. Are they sleeping over or would you prefer that they hit the road? Have you got a separate bed for them or are they sleeping with you guys? Let them know the options so they can decide what they are comfortable with. Also, for the sleeping over option, would be good if too much alcohol is consumed. Though I don’t recommend drinking too much before a threesome, as it affects judgment.
  5. Remember this is your first time and just like when you had sex for the first time or had your first serious relationship, you didn’t get those 100% right either. To minimize potential issues, stick to what you both agreed to for the night in terms of your boundaries but know that you can’t plan for every scenario so if you haven’t discussed something, assume it’s a “not ok” and discuss it in the debrief. After the event, discuss how it made you feel, what you liked, what you didn’t, etc. And to be honest, the basis of a solid relationship and especially with couples that swing is honest communication.
  6. Clear communication is the key to success in this and you can’t do enough of it; between yourselves and with your playmate/s so you are all on the same page. I hope this gives you an outline to start planning and making it awesome. If you would like me to help make your fantasy a reality, then contact me. I have lots of information on my couple’s page and I would love to meet you both. If you are single and want to experience your first threesome, I can arrange this for you too as I have lots of sexy girlfriends available for the invite and play; do check out the information on my playmate’s page. If you would like to attend a swingers event with me, check out the information on my swingers page.
  7. Good luck and above all have fun, remember SEX is to be enjoined and in the moment.

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