As an amateur porn model who has been very active on social media over the past 3 years, I cannot tell you how many young women (and some men) have come to me, asking me how they can become as successful as me. Of course, I just kind of laugh at their idea of success, but hey, I’ll take flattery where I can get it. This is actually not uncommon in our little independent circuit. Girls see the job and glamourize it to hell and back. I’m here to straighten some things out and educate on some of the things that you should know before hopping into this career. Consider me your weird, rainbow-haired, porn model auntie! I’m here to help!
I know what you’re thinking. “But Ryden! I’m so sure of this!” No. No, you’re not. If you were, you wouldn’t be asking me. You have every reason to be unsure. It can be a scary leap, and it could very well change your life. Newbies have this ideal thought that they’re either going to be able to keep it under wraps from everyone or the people they tell are going to be loving and accepting. Unfortunately, that’s not really the case. You never know who might find you through your work and recognize you, and you never know how they’ll react. Not everyone is accepting of porn, and some people genuinely want to do harm to us. I’m a really lucky lady. I have parents, friends, and a fiancé who accept what I do for a living and love me regardless. That being said, I have received some negative reactions. I’ve had people get in my face, hit me, push me, spit on me. You name it. I’ve been under the big blame umbrella for every single one of these just because I have chosen a job that most people wouldn’t do. A lot of the popular models you see every day are estranged from their families and friends. Not everyone can be our biggest fans, and some people would rather hate us than support us. This is one of the burdens that we carry.
I also have a lot of women who come to me and ask me if they should become a SW (sex worker) if they also want to be a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher. I always say no, unless you’re willing to risk that dream never coming true. As much as I hate to say it (and trust me, I REALLY HATE TO SAY IT) we don’t live in a 100% sex positive world. If you’re outed and SW shows up on a google search, they might not even consider you. Sometimes, identities get leaked. It doesn’t happen often, but it happens. If you’re not willing to risk your dream just for a few months/years of fun and liberating sex work, this isn’t the job for you.
2. It ain’t easy
With all of these incredible, awesome, absolutely lovely SWs gaining huge popularity in social media (specifically tumblr and twitter), it’s easy to see why some of you automatically assume that SW is an easy job. We’re put in the spotlight and it’s really obvious that we’ve got a lot of people who seem to worship us. The truth of the matter is; each and every one of us have clawed our way to the top. It’s hard to get the attention needed to show people “Hey boys! Look at me! I’m a stinkin cutie with a pink pixie cut!” It took me 3 years to get my footing. I still work my butt off every day, kind of literally. If you’re jumping into this work force because you’re money hungry and you think it’ll be easy, I want you to do something for me. Shut your computer (or lock your phone). Just stop. This ain’t for you. No work is easy, and SW rewards people who are hardworking, business savvy, and unique. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that sex work ain’t easy and sex workers ain’t lazy, but some of your girls who are leeching off the popular girls are starting to seem like you are.
3. Be yourself
By that, I mean, be the person YOU want to be. Whether it’s a reflection of your true self, or a persona that you want to be. You’ve just gotta be unique. This is something you should strive to do regardless, but I cannot tell you how valuable it is in the industry. Imagine that you’re in a huge crowd of women that are generally blurred together. A lot of them look the same, and it’s really hard to pick the unique ones out of the crowd with so many of the same girls running around. You’re trying to fight your way to the front lines to show everyone on the outside that you’re not blurred with the rest of them. Some ladies come into this with nothing to separate them from every other babe sitting in front of a live webcam, diddling themselves and hoping that someone will tip big. Those are the ladies that don’t see much money because they’ve done nothing to distinguish themselves from everyone else. Me? I kind of got popular on accident for being the “manic pixie dream girl” slash “nerdy babe” girl.
DO NOT rip off someone else’s look in order to achieve your “unique ideal.” It sucks and it makes you look like a jerk. Being unique is noooooot stealing someone else’s unique styling and making it your own. Taking inspiration is fine (and this works with just about anything you do) but straight ripping off a look/idea/whatever isn’t cool and will NOT get you ANYWHERE in the industry. I cannot tell you how many wannabes I’ve seen cut all their hair off, get a triforce tattoo, and start selling the exaaaaact same content as me. Just don’t do it.
4. Do it for the right reasons
I’ve watched this industry chew people up, and spit them out. Drained, tired, and sexually changed forever; these people just weren’t right for it. Sex work isn’t for everyone. This is a harsh reality that many SWs will not face. You’ve gotta have a love for sex. Like, a deep love for sex. You’ve also gotta understand that there’s nothing wrong with being sexually open, out there, and possibly on display. It’s a really empowering feeling, but only if you allow it to be. You have to look at the pictures and the videos and say “Hell yeah, look how sexy I am!” You’ve gotta stick to that positivity. Don’t ever let it chew you up. Hell, don’t even let it put you in its mouth. Love sex. Love everything you do, even if it isn’t ideal for you sexually. Find the fun in your work, or else you’ll end up in tears. Hating the job, hating yourself; don’t let it get to you.
In closing, I want to say that most of the stuff I’ve stated above probably sounds WAY more frightening than I intended it to, but being truthful and upfront about these facts are the only way to get the point across that sex work is serious business (or, at least, most of the time. I can recall a few times during my cam girl days where I became the almighty dildo unicorn.) Myself, and pretty much any other SW I’ve ever met, love nothing more than seeing other babes being sex-positive and unique in this industry. No one likes to see ladies fail, but that’s just where some of them end up.
Most of all; be smart, be unique, be kind, and love yourself. That’s the best you can do.